You have answered your own question and can see that you need to come to a place of being ok with your life as it is today. By surrendering to the Divine and accepting that the course of destiny is to neutralize the past, you can eventually come to a place of peace within yourself. As you let go of expectations from him – you will find your own strength. Trust God and know that you are loved and have been given everything in this life for realizing your full potential. I am sure you will heal from the past of another lifetime by embracing this incarnation fully!